Mea Maxima Culpa
by burgerheadjones
Summary: Fact: During his reign, King Edmund the Just had a knack for injuring himself. Countless times had it been when Lucy had to act quickly to save her brother's life. If anyone knew what her healing cordial tasted like, it was definitely Edmund. The reason? The Just King of Narnia always viewed himself as the sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

**Hope you like this :)**

Fact: During his reign, King Edmund the Just had a knack for injuring himself.

Countless times had it been when his sister had act quickly, to save her brother's life. If anyone knew what her healing cordial tasted like, it was definitely Edmund.

It wasn't that Edmund was a terrible fighter. In fact, he was the best swordsman in all of Narnia, beating even the High King. He could handle himself with a bow, and was expertly trained with knives and all sorts of weapons. Lucy clearly remembered the day when everyone had realised that Edmund had surpassed, well, _everyone,_ in terms of swordsmanship.

Which is why, along with Peter, Ed was Narnia's most valuable soldier. Holding such a title required him to fight in every battle, every war, which Lucy really didn't want.

The reason? Her brother, who never spared a thought for himself, viewed himself as a sacrifice. And his siblings had a clue as to why.

"Edmund, have you eaten yet?" Lucy called to her brother across the campfire. She and Edmund were on their way back from a visit to Archenland, and they were camping near a cliff, a few miles away from the Cair Paravel.

"Yes, _mother_ , I have." Edmund smirked and sat beside his sister.

"Oh, shut that mouth of yours," Lucy grinned and shoved him. "Say, Ed, when are we due to arrive?"

"Nila says we'll reach Cair by tomorrow noon, as long as we keep up a moderate pace."

Lucy's eyes brightened with fondness for their palace, and sighed. "It's been, what, three months?"

"Three months and one week." Edmund replied. He looked down on his hands. "I miss everyone."

"Archenland was fun, though." Lucy remarked. "With the number of pranks you and Corin pulled, I don't know if we'll be invited back."

"Lu, admit it. You're just complaining because you fell for most of them."

"I did not-"

"Oh really?"

Lucy laughed and swatted him. "I do miss Peter and Susan though. I last wrote to them a week ago, and Susan said they dearly missed us, as well."

"Well, we'll be reunited tomorrow." Edmund smiled.

Lucy observed her brother. He had bruises under his eyes, and he looked tired. "Ed, are you sure you've eaten?"  
"Of course, Lu. Why do you ask?"

Ignoring his question, she questioned, "Those nightmares still going on?"

Edmund looked at her, and then back down at his hands. "Yeah."

Lucy's brows furrowed. "The White Witch"?

"Something along those lines, yeah."

It had been eight years. Eight years since her brother had been stabbed by the White Witch. "Ed-"

"It isn't as bad as before."

"I find that hard to believe." Lucy replied. "You know you can talk to us, right?"

Edmund nodded.

"It's just that-" He was interrupted by a shout.

"We're being attacked!" Someone yelled behind the line of trees.

Lucy drew a knife from her belt. Knives were her preferred weapon of choice, because she was fast, and they could be deadly if wielded by the right person.

To her side, Edmund drew his sword, Shafelm, and ran with Lucy to the area of disturbance. They were met with unknown assailants, dressed from head to toe in black.

There were about thirty of them. The Narnians, which basically consisted of the two monarchs and six guards, were greatly outnumbered.

She shared a glance with Edmund, and he said "For Aslan."

Lucy replied, "For Narnia."

They rushed into battle, immediately engulfed in the chaos. Lucy was as quick as an arrow with her knife, slashing and stabbing, finding chinks in her attacker's armour. She couldn't keep count of how many she killed or injured.

At one point, she looked up. Her eyes found Edmund, which was quite a feat, as he was moving even faster than her. He wielded his sword like he was born to do so, and found his mark each time. He was covered in the blood of his enemy', and probably his, as evident by the cut above his head. Other than that, he seemed uninjured.

 _Better stay like that, Ed._

Minutes passed, and Edmund finally ran his sword through the last of the assailants. He looked up, and saw Lucy doing the same with her knife.

She met his gaze, and immediately stalked up to him.

"Where'd you get hurt?" She asked, worried eyes looking him up and down.

 _Honestly Lu, I'm-_

His train of thought was cut off when he spotted one more person - clad in black - creeping up behind Lucy. In his hand, he held a dagger, and was about to run his sister through with it.

 _You've made a grave mistake._

He promptly shoved Lucy behind him.

"Edmu-"

He launched himself at the bandit, fortunately grabbing the other by surprise. They rolled on the grass beneath them, but Edmund's sword flew out of his grasp in Lucy's direction. Thankfully, his opponent's dagger had been flung off the cliff.

Edmund threw a punch at his combatant, hitting him square in the nose. The other yelled in anger and clasped his hands around Edmund's neck. And started choking the King.

Edmund's ability to breathe suddenly ceased. He tried to take in breaths, but the strong pair of hands around his airway refused to let him do just that.

He could vaguely make out Lucy calling for help.

Edmund tried to strike out above him, but could not, as his hands were pinned. Instead, he observed his assailant's face. His nose and mouth were hidden by the black cloth, but not his eyes.

They looked feminine.

They looked familiar.

They looked like the eyes of the person he had betrayed his family to.

 _Jadis._

His heart stopped.

His mind flashed back to all those years ago, when he'd lied and scorned and betrayed those he loved the most. He was a coward. He'd let Aslan die for him.

Eight years, it had been, since. He was twelve then, but he was twenty now.

He focused on the day when he found out that Aslan had been killed on the Stone Table in his place. Two years after he'd betrayed Narnia.

He had been riding in the woods, and had been ambushed by fell creatures. They had tied him up, and taunted him. " _You're shameless,"_ They said, " _Your Lion, 'Aslan', died on the Stone Table for you, but you remain unaware of his sacrifice. You don't deserve to be a king."_ He had eventually escaped, but the words that had been said to him then struck his heart. When he questioned his siblings, they explained everything to him, although with uncertainty.

The next day, he had gotten himself kidnapped into slavery for three months. Edmund saw it as a punishment, which he deserved.

He was brought to his senses when the hands tightened around his trachea. They were so cold, they stung his skin.

They pressed further and further, until they stopped. Edmund immediately gulped down air, gasping for a breath.

The White Witch let one hand go, and brought it up to her face, removing the cloth hiding it. A pair of red lips grinned at him.

" _Miss me?_ "

And he felt a sudden explosion of pain, hot and cold at the same time, in his abdomen.

Where he had been stabbed by the Witch.

 _Oh, Aslan._

The Valiant Queen watched as her brother and one of the mysterious soldiers grappled on the ground. She had her knife in her hand, but she had to wait until Edmund's opponent had his back to her and Edmund wasn't at risk of being the target.

She called for Nila and the others, who were a bit away, finishing off their own attackers. "Come quickly!" she yelled, and brought her eyes back on the scene in front of her.

Finally, the black-clad man rolled above Edmund, hands around his throat. She could see Edmund struggling for air, and knew it was now or never.

She aimed. With an expert movement of her arm, she threw it. It found it's mark.

Immediately, the man let Edmund's throat go, and fell to the grass beside him.

By now, their entire guard had arrived. Paying no heed to them, Lucy ran up to her brother.

"Edmund?" She whispered. His face was as white as a sheet.

By normal standards, Edmund was pale, in contrast to his dark hair and eyes. Even if he spent hours under the sun, it never turned a shade darker. Peter, Susan, and Lucy frequently made fun of him by saying that he would be the fairest maiden in all of the land.

But if it was possible, he became even paler.

His eyes were clenched shut, and his hands covered his abdomen. Lucy could see some blood under his palms.

 _Oh, no._

She gently prised his hands apart from his body, and inspected the wound. He had been stabbed by the dagger _she_ was going to be attacked with.

She couldn't help but be guilty.

Nevertheless, she pushed aside her feelings and scrambled for her cordial.

Surprisingly, it wasn't held on the loops of her belt. It was in her bag, about a hundred yards away.

Not wanting to leave the King's side, she asked a faun, Dorial, to fetch her bag for her. "Hurry, please," She added.

Lucy stroked her brother's hair. It was obvious he was in pain.

"Hold on, okay?"

What scared Lucy the most was that she had grown accustomed to this. Edmund had been injured in battle more times than she could count, and she was just beginning to realise, that maybe, just maybe, her brother had a death wish.

 _I hope I'm wrong._

She sat with Edmund for the few minutes it took to find and bring the cordial to them. She tipped the diamond flask into Edmund's mouth.

There were a few seconds of tense silence. The cordial _always_ worked, every time she had to use it, but there was a nagging doubt in her mind that maybe this time, _just this time_ , it might not.

Her doubts, thank Aslan, were proved wrong as Edmund's eyes shot open.

She was alarmed at the emotions contained in them- guilt, terror, and sadness.

His lips parted, and the first thing he said was, " _Jadis."_

 **Reviews are appreciated! After all, critique helps in shaping a good writer :)**

 **Thank You**

 **Sincerely,**

 **TheUrbanBookworm**


	2. Chapter 2

Edmund was tired.

He knew it was for his own good, but when you've just been attacked, stabbed, and a victim of hallucinations, you do tend to get a tad bit annoyed when your siblings won't stop fussing over you.

"I'm fine, Peter." He mumbled.

Ed wouldn't go as far as to say he wasn't uneasy. He'd been utterly confused when he'd regained consciousness after being stabbed, only to discover that Jadis wasn't his attacker. Despite that, he felt no pain, which was thanks to Lucy's cordial.

Well, he just had to convince his siblings of that.

"If you're fine, why are you shivering?" Susan crossed her arms over her chest.

"Considering the fact that I'm sitting shirtless in a room with an open window, it's normal!"

"It's a summer morning!"

Edmund sighed.

"Susan, it's alright, give Ed a break," Piped in Lu, "He always feels cold. Nothing new." Edmund nodded to his younger sister with gratefulness.

"Ed, if anything's wrong, you have to tell us. We're only looking out for you." Peter said softly.

"Yeah- I shall." Edmund replied.

Peter ruffled his hair. "Get some rest. Aslan knows you need it." He threw Ed's shirt at him and ushered the girls out of the bedroom.

Edmund got up and walked towards his balcony. Like Lucy's, his balcony overlooked the ocean. He leaned against the railing and gazed at the expanse of cerulean blue water glistening before him.

His hand was drawn to his lower abdomen, where he'd been injured, and wondered if everything actually was alright. He'd hate to admit it, but his nightmares had become a lot more intense than they used to be, and they all revolved around the White Witch.

It had been eight years, and Edmund was still shrouded in guilt.

But the past was past, and Edmund had truly sought to accept his misgivings, but it was safe to say that it was all in vain. The fact that his mind had conjured up Jadis during his fight disturbed him. Who knew if it would happen again?

A gust of wind blew, and goosebumps rose on Edmund's skin. It was cold. He hastily put on his shirt and walked inside.

He looked around. It had been a while since he'd been able to enjoy the comforts his room offered him.

His room was painted green, the colour of the Western Wood. His wood. He'd missed that shade of green, after spending three months in the Archenland castle.

"Home at last." He said, jumping into his bed. Time to get some rest.

"Why does he do this?" Susan groaned, looking down at the empty bed of her younger brother.

Or rather, the note that was left on it.

 _Dear Lucy, Susan or Peter,_

 _Before you start worrying, I'd like to inform you that I have decided to go on a ride. It has been three months and two weeks, to be precise, and I have to reacquaint myself with the woods. I've taken Philip with me, plus food from the kitchen (I'm sorry, I took the pie, it looked too yummy to leave behind), and I shall be back this evening._

 _I apologise again, I would have invited you, but I'm leaving- or rather, I left at four in the morning, and neither of you seemed to be in any sort of conscious state._

 _Love,_

 _Your wonderful brother,_

 _Edmund_

Susan sighed. Edmund did have a knack for disappearing at random times, but she was perturbed. It had been nearly a week since Ed had been stabbed, but after the hallucination stint, she was reluctant to let Edmund out of her sight.

She supposed Edmund would get fed up of the castle soon enough. Shaking her head, she made her way down to the dining room, where Peter and Lucy were having breakfast.

Peter looked up at her. "Ed?"

Susan showed the letter to him.

"Of course." He smiled, shaking his head. "I suppose he'd had enough of being cooped up in the castle."

Without Edmund realising it, they'd tried to keep him in their proximity for as long as they could, by arranging activities that took place mostly in or around the castle.

"We'll just have to wait till he comes back."

"And he took the pie, too!" Lucy complained. "Anyway, I'm going to head out to the woods too, and meet Mr. Tumnus. I might join him for lunch."

"Be safe, okay?" Susan said.

"I will."

Lucy knocked on the Gentle Queen's door. Well, banged on it. _For Aslan's sake! Why did her brother have to be so- reckless?_

The door to her sister's study swung open. "Hell-"

"Edmund's being an ass."

Funnily enough, Susan understood. "He's back and he's hurt?"

Lucy nodded. "He's in the infirmary."

On the way there, Susan asked, "How was the visit to Mr Tumnus?"

"Absolutely wonderful." Lucy replied.

They entered the infirmary and immediately saw Edmund grumpily sitting on one of the beds, cradling his shoulder. Peter was interrogating him.

"You fell into a stream? Really, Ed? How clumsy can you be?"

Ed shook his head. "It wasn't like that. Give me a cha-"

"Chance to explain what an idiot you are? Ed! You got stabbed a week ago! You hallucinated the White Witch! And admit it, you aren't sleeping at night." Peter interrupted.

"Peter! Will you just listen? A fox had lost her cub and I was helping her search for him. I heard noises near a stream, and may have tripped into it, but at least I found the cub!" Edmund indignantly exclaimed.

"Ed- please. I know you were trying to help but please be careful!" Susan put in.

Edmund lost his cool. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this? So I accidentally tripped myself. It's not like I broke anything. And don't think I haven't noticed the fact that you rarely let me out the castle these days!"

"Edmund" Peter replied, "It's for your own good-"

" _My own good?_ "

Lucy decided it was time to intervene. "Edmund. You have been having nightmares, and don't try to deny it- my room's next to your's and I can hear you cry out in your sleep. You have dark circles under your eyes, Ed- we can't help but be worried for you!"

Edmund deflated. "It's nothing- nothing new." He closed his eyes.

Susan continued. "Edmund, after eight years, it hasn't stopped-"

"It's not like you can do anything, Su," Edmund murmured. "I don't think _anyone_ except Aslan can help me."

He was met with silence.

"I'm going to go to the beach." He declared, getting up with a wince.

"We're coming with you." Lucy said.

Edmund did not protest.

As Edmund sat on the beach and watched his siblings playfully splash each other in the water, he thought of how lucky he was to live in Narnia. Purple and orange skies cast a beautiful light on the ocean water. Waves slowly lapped up onto the shore.

Edmund thought about his mother and father, back in Spare Oom. Over time, his memory could only conjure up fuzzy figures, as it had for Lu, Susan, and Peter as well. He still loved them, nevertheless.

Edmund couldn't help but smile. As infuriating as his siblings could be, he loved them. He loved Lucy, with her innocence, but at the same time, her determination. He loved Susan, who was simply the embodiment of peace and wit alike. He loved Peter, stoic and strong Peter, who kept this family together.

 _Where do you fit in?_

Shut up, he told himself.

 _You're the flaw in this quartet, Edmund._

Edmund ignored that voice.

 _Turkish Delight, my dear?_

Edmund paled. Jadis' voice was resonating in his mind.

 _Did you miss me?_

A hand covered Edmund's eyes, barring the view of his siblings.

 _Shhhh, I'm here now._

Edmund blacked out.

 _You're not getting away from me._

 **I'm so sorry, this was so late! Please find it in your heart to forgive me 3**

 **Reviews are appreciated!**

 **Love,**

 **TheUrbanBookworm**


	3. Chapter 3

"Oi! Edmund! Come join us!" Peter called. He was met with no response, and turned around.

The Just King appeared to be napping, but Peter knew better. Ed hated naps, had since he was a two year old, and never stopped.

Wading out of the water, Peter made his way up to Edmund.

His heart sunk.

Edmund's nose was bleeding. The dark crimson of the colour contrasted on the pale shade of his skin. Ed's fists were clenched, and whatever this was- it wasn't napping.

"Lucy, Susan. Come fast." He called out over his shoulder. As his sisters joined him by Edmund's side, Peter couldn't help but notice how his fingers went numb when he grasped his brother's wrist.

Susan, quick to react, called Nila, who was lurking near the beach cliffs. "Call Orieus and the medics immediately!"

Peter knelt beside his brother, and all he could do was register the fact that no, his brother was definitely not okay.

 _You're not getting away from me._

Edmund lurked in a murky expanse of nothingness, and all he could register was how cold he was. It was as if he was back in the Ice Queen's dungeons again, but only ten times worse.

The White Witch's words echoed around him.

 _Turkish Delight, my dear?_

Edmund shivered. Turkish Delight. What a fool.

He stood up. Everything was stiff.

He was in a black void, devoid of any light. _Have I gone blind?_

Edmund took a step forward. It seemed like the worst decision in the world, because his entire body was engulfed in fiery flames of absolute pain. As Edmund screamed in agony, he somehow found himself falling. It was as if he was Alice, from Wonderland, and the fall seemed to last for eternity. His pain had not ceased, either, and it was all he could do to not pass out.

All of a sudden, he opened his eyes with a gasp. He was on a beach. His sibling's worried faces loomed above him.

"Ed?" Peter said, a twinge of panic underlying in his tone.

Edmund would have responded, but the pain was simply too much. He curled up on his side, barely registering the fact that his nose was bleeding. All he could fathom was waves of white, cold, radiating agony.

It ebbed in him, for what seemed like years, and he could not pay heed to his sibling's cries of worry.

Edmund thought of the time he had broken his hand. He was barely six, but as he had clutched his arm in the other, he had declared the pain to be the worst he'd ever experienced.

Oh boy, was that wrong.

Nothing had ever felt worse, and he felt tears leaking from his eyes.

 _Stop. Please._

But no one heard his plea.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, pain having receded, he discovered himself in the comfort of his bedroom.

He was alone.

 _Gosh, Edmund. It's been two weeks and you've already been choked, stabbed, bled, and fallen unconscious on a beach for no apparent reason. Personal record, huh?_

He swung his legs out of the bed, not surprised to discover the accompanying lethargy that would be expected after long bouts of sleep. But he hobbled to the door, unsure of what to do. Usually, after he'd woken up after being injured, one of his siblings would mother him immediately, but that wasn't the case here.

His hand reached for the door nob, but jumped when someone shoved it open from the other side. Peter.

Edmund braced himself, ready for berating and scolding.

However, Peter just glanced at him, took Edmund's shoulders and guided him to a nearby chair.

Kneeling down in front of him, he spoke.

"Edmund. I need you to look me in the eyes and answer the question I'm going to ask you honestly."

Edmund hesitated internally, but instead, nodded.

"What is wrong with you?"

Peter simply asked. He didn't raise his voice, which... worried Edmund?

When Peter was being deadly serious, his voice was a deadly calm. It was a characteristic he shared with his brother.

"Peter..." Edmund tried.

"No, Ed. I need the truth." Peter was not having it.

"If you want me to be honest, then I'll tell you this, Pete. I don't know."

Edmund's voice cracked.

"Then I'm going to let the doctors figure it out."

Peter glanced to his side, worried about his younger brother. As rulers, it was their duty to govern Narnia, and resolving disputes among citizens was a responsibility they couldn't afford to slack on.

Edmund, being the most diplomatic of the four, usually dealt with these situations, but if he was taken ill or injured, the rest took over.

But Edmund had insisted on being present in the throne room today.

"I'm fed up of all the poking and prodding on me that everyone seems to enjoy doing!" He had said. "And the questioning! For once, I'd like to be the one asking questions."

And so, Peter had relented, some part of him feeling sympathetic for the dark haired king.

The other part, however, knew it was for Edmund's own good. After Edmund had agreed on not hiding his problems and actually trying to solve them, the Pevensies had ordered the nation's finest medics to find out what was wrong.

But as of yet, it was to no avail.

He observed his brother, seated at his silver throne, silver crown atop his dark hair. _Gosh, Ed, you really are the embodiment of a human contrast._

Edmund, leaning forward, sat with his thinking pose- palms together, chin resting on them. It reminded Peter of the man that was always on the cover of those detective novels Ed used to read back in England- the man's name was Holmes, if Peter's memory served him right.

"By my observations, it appears that neither of you are at fault." Edmund finally said. They were currently listening to two deer, both claiming that the other had been stealing from their grazing lands.

"The way that the grass appears to have disappeared- it seems like someone hasn't been grazing- but rather scissoring. My guess would be the pair of monkeys living not too far off, they've been accused of stealing from pastures and orchards earlier..."

The deer looked at each other. "That does make sense..." One said.

"We'll look into it. Thank you, my lord." And they left the room.

"You're fine, right, Ed?"

Edmund scowled. "Yes. Bring in the next ones, please!" He called out, to avoid the subject.

"Well alright then."

The afternoon passed.

* * *

Edmund walked up the corridor, in all his six feet glory, and whistled. It had been a good day, without any medics hovering over him, and Edmund had kept himself busy.

He'd spent the morning going over trade agreements and then going for a short ride with Philip, and the afternoon in court. Peter had almost stopped him from doing so, but had relented at Edmund's plea. Finally, his evening had been spent in the the sword fighting arena, where Ed had worn himself out.

As such, he was in a good mood, glad to not be worried over, and was deliberating whether he should skip to the dining hall.

He rounded a corner, and stopped in his tracks.

Beneath a portrait of the four, a lion lay, bleeding from the place his heart should have been.

Heart hammering, Ed crept closer, trying to ignore the ice cold sensation that was spreading through his entire body, as he realised that the lion that was sprawled in front of him was Aslan.

Gazing upwards, not wanting to believe the sight that lay in front of him, he noticed that the faces of Lucy, Susan and Peter in the oil painting above had been slashed out.

Edmund forced his eyes downwards, and sunk to his knees by Aslan's side. The Lion's mane had been shaved off, and His expression was one of utter pain.

Edmund cried out- "Aslan!"

A deep, deep voice resonated from the Lion's mouth. "Your sins are unforgivable."

Edmund felt guilt, dread and regret permeate his soul, only this time it was a thousand times worse. He managed to choke out two words- "I'm sorry," but was met with no reply.

He blinked, vision blurry.

Suddenly, the scene before him flickered, and then vanished. Edmund blinked once again, unsure pf what was just before him. When he opened his eyes a second later, nothing, absolutely nothing, seemed to be out of the ordinary.

Edmund's face blanched and the Just King was left kneeling below the family portrait, breathing unsteadily.

* * *

 **Please read and let me know what you think!**

 **Regards,**

 **The Urban Bookworm**


	4. Chapter 4

His hands wouldn't stop trembling. His heart beat wouldn't slow down. And his breathing was in rapid, short inhalations.

 _Pull yourself together._

Edmund knew that he had to get to the dining hall. If he skipped supper, his siblings would know something was astray... and even though Ed promised them he'd tell them what was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to tell them this, let alone believe it himself.

He'd conjured up things that weren't true before, this wasn't the first time, but the gravity of the situation horrified him. One did not simply hallucinate Aslan.

 _I'm going crazy._

The image of Aslan sprawled beneath that portrait flashed in his mind, over and over and over, which did /nothing/ to help ease his panicked state.

Instantaneously, Edmund's senses peaked- he registered that he was still kneeling on the floor. If someone passed by that moment, they'd see his crazed state and send him to the medics.

Not the medics. Definitely not them.

He eased himself up, noticing how tired he seemed. He could hold out till after dinner, though...

Taking a deep breath, he tried pushing those terrible images to the back of his mind. (He didn't succeed.)

As he walked, he tried to look as nonchalant as he could, which wasn't much, but he put on a mask of cheerfulness. He felt guilty for lying to his siblings-

 _They can't know._

Another part of him said, "Why?"

 _Because..._ He couldn't think of a logical or rational reason why he couldn't.

But he still put on the facade.

* * *

"Oh, hi Ed!" Lucy beamed at her brother who'd just entered the room. "What took you so long?"

Edmund looked a bit... off.

He smiled at her. "A little bit of practice in the arena. I felt like it's been ages."

His eyes flickered like they did when he was lying.

Lucy knew something was up. She knew her brother well, although, and kept her mouth zipped, until she could observe him properly.

"Well, it probably has, after your thorough examinations!" Lucy laughed.

She expected a smile in return, but she was a little taken aback when Edmund started hysterically laughing.

She looked at Peter and Susan, trying not to giggle back. Had Ed inhaled something? "So what's for supper?"

A kitchen fawn placed bowls of soup in front of all four of them. Mushroom soup. Lu's favourite.

With a wide smile, she thanked the fawn, and so did the others.

They talked as they ate, sharing accounts of the things they'd done during the day. It was customary for the four to gather for supper when they were at the Cair, because during breakfast and lunch, everyone was not always free.

It was Lucy's favourite time of the day.

"So all in all, it was a pretty boring day for me." Peter said. "I mean, I love the library, but when you spend more than four hours in it, you tend to forget your attachment to it."

"You do have a point." Susan said. "I had some free time today, so I went and helped out in the kitchens! Turns out I can make a mean blueberry pie."

"And are we going to sample this pie?" Lucy asked.

"Dessert was made by yours truly." Susan replied.

"Should I be worried, though?" Peter joked.

"Sod off!"

"Ed, what about you?" Lucy asked. "Anything interesting?"

Edmund looked up from the soup he was currently very enthusiastically devouring. "Um, well, yes-" He paused. "I went riding with Philip today in the afternoon, and then Peter let me hold court. It was so much fun. Much, much fun. Truly lots."

"That's nice."

Lucy shared a look with Peter and Susan. She communicated with her eyes- _why's he being weird?_

The main course arrived-bread, vegetables, gravy and fish.

The conservation didn't dwindle, though, but was mostly devoid of contribution on Edmund's part. Main course passed in the same fashion, with Edmund trying to play it cool. Key word- _trying._

 _Oh Ed, you're such a bad actor._

When dessert came, and everyone had marveled over Susan's newfound talent, they cut to the chase.

"Ed," Lucy began. "You didn't anything...unusual, did you? Today?"

Edmund looked up, surprise evident on his face.

"Not as far as I'm aware. Today was the most normal day." He continued. "Nothing special, unextraordinary, plain old day."

"Yes, but-" Peter was interrupted when Orieus barged into the dining hall.

"You need to see this." He focused on Edmund. "Especially you, my lord."

Without protest, they ran out of the room and followed Orieus to a corridor that wasn't far from where they had been. They stopped when the centaur stopped, at the corridor's mouth, and Lucy tried to comprehend the sight before her.

This corridor was one on which many portraits of the royal family hung. Narnia's most talented painters had captured moments of the four's lives- there was the official portrait, of course, but there were also oil paintings of their coronation, Edmund and Peter's knighting, Lucy and Mr Tumnus, Edmund in action during a battle, Peter in the garden, Susan wielding her bow... Eight years of living in the Cair Paravel had brought in many memories, some of which that were immortalised in the art before her.

But now...

Someone had ripped a few canvases with a knife, it seemed, ruining months of hard work. Lucy gasped. "How awful! How could anyone do this!"

Peter said in a hushed tone,"Look at _what's_ been ruined."

She registered that among whatever was slashed, everything included Edmund's face.

With an expression of dismay in her face, she walked up to one with Edmund and Lucy in it. The former was chasing the latter around on the beach, with a brilliant sunset with a multicoloured sky painted in the background, and the picture was one Lucy cherished.

It was spoilt now. Someone had hacked at Edmund's form and instead, peeling canvas hung down, limp and irreversible.

Peter and Susan were inspecting other portraits, too, with the Just King slashed out of every one, but Ed remained standing at the center of the room.

He had a manic grin on his face, which unsettled Lucy.

She went up to him. "Ed?"

He ignored her and continued staring ahead.

A thought occurred to her. "Did you- did you do this?" She placed an arm on his shoulder. He was much taller than her, so this took considerable effort.

The moment her hand touched his shoulder, Ed imploded.

She jumped back in shock, feeling a wave of cold air, so cold that she went numb. She watched as her brother imploded upon himself, turning into snowflakes that fell in a pile upon the floor.

Once the insensate feeling had left her body, she fell to her knees and stared at the slowly melting pile of snow. Susan and Peter joined her by her side, neither of them speaking. All of them were confused, shocked, in disbelief, and were unable to comprehend what had just happened.

* * *

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 **The Urban Bookworm**


	5. Chapter 5

The crackling of fire. The feeling of warmth. The laughter of the four kings and queens of Narnia.

Edmund didn't want to open his eyes, afraid that if he did, his contentment would vanish.

He dreamt of evenings by the fire, drinking mulled wine (even Lucy), while he played cards with Peter.

He remembered poking fun at Peter for his terrible, terrible poker face, and being proud of his own- Susan, Peter and Lucy gazing at him in awe as he won seven games in a row.

He remembered then curling up on a sofa, Lucy's head in his lap, his hands running through her hair (wet from the snow she had been in).

He recalled dozing off, vaguely registering the blanket that had been placed on him.

He remembered waking up at midnight, looking at his siblings curled up around him, oblivious to the dying embers in the fireplace.

And then he opened his eyes.

Still clad in his leather armour, Edmund blinked, vision blurry and head spinning. All sensation of heat had ceased. Ed shivered as he looked around him. Ice walls, ice floor, even ice bars on the ice windows- it was clear where he was.

The White Witch's dungeon.

How he'd gotten here, he didn't know. He wracked his fuzzy brain, and felt his heart beat increase in pace when he remembered Aslan. Lying on the carpet beneath the portrait.

His breath hitched, but chose to do the thing he did best- push it to the back of his mind.

At least he still had _Shafelm_ with him.

Gripping its handle, he gave the door a small shove. It gave way, with no protest.

This was not a good sign.

He crept up somewhat familiar hallways, all senses on alert.

On what seemed like the fifth corridor he'd traversed, he heard a flutter.

With movement as fast as lightening, Edmund whirled around, _Shafelm_ pointed at the sound's place of origin.

Unexpectedly, the air around him seemed to dissolve, along with Edmund, and for a few fleeting seconds, Edmund wondered if, at that moment, he even existed.

But soon the Just King and the environment around him reformed into a giant room- The Cair Paravel's throne room.

It was empty, encapsulated with shadows, nothing like the gleaming splendour it usually was. Edmund tentatively called out, "Peter? Su?... Lucy?" He startled when a voice mimicked a, "Peter? Su? Lucy?"

It was just his echo.

Strange. The throne room slash court never echoed, because, quite obviously, a lot of verbal matters took place in the room.

Edmund turned 360, each tap of his foot eerily reverberating.

The peculiar and unnerving dissolving phenomenon took place again, but this time, Edmund was falling. He landed on a marble floor, only this time he saw a huge gathering, still at the throne room of the Cair, gazing with grief stricken expressions at the dias. They were all wearing white, the Narnian colour of mourning.

He turned his attention towards the front of the room and his heart sank... Just like the rest of the room, his siblings were clad in their white ceremonial robes. Peter was addressing the gathering. "My brother was a man whose heart was as big as Narnia... He was a kind, witty, smart, and brilliant King, certainly living up to the title Aslan had bestowed on him."

To his right, Lucy bowed her head down, tears streaming down her seldom grave face.

Edmund's heart broke. It was certain, it was his funeral that he was currently witnessing.

Till then, he had been kneeling at the centre of the aisle, his dark leather apparel a stark contrast to the sea of white around him.

He shakily got up onto his knees, racing to the thrones where his siblings stood, frantically yelling, "I'm not dead!"

If he was, he'd be in Aslan's Country, not here.

He was paid no heed to, with Susan stepping up instead, Peter having finished his words.

Through the past few minutes, Edmund's heart had been broken, sunk and shattered, but when he caught sight of Susan, it plunged into a non existent chasm near his stomach.

Oh, Susan. Susan who made sure she looked proper and perfect, every moment of the day. Susan who insisted that her hair be set perfectly in her place, light make up on point, because she believed that one's appearance could make all the difference.

Now, her hair was frazzled, eyes red, encircled with dark shadows, fingernails bitten.

Apparently now that her brother was dead, nothing could make a difference.

 _I'm not dead._

"My brother, Edmund... He was a brave and loyal warrior. He's come so close to sacrificing his life for this nation, and now..." She choked back a sob. "King Edmund the Just is, was," Her breath hitched, "Was a King whose good deeds will never, ever be forgotten."

She looked down for a moment, and then looked up. "Edmund. Wherever you are, know that I love you."

She wiped away a stray tear, Edmund mirroring her action by doing the same.

He climbed up the staircase leading to them, and hugged Susan.

Instead he went right through her.

Great. So here he was, stuck in this weird parallel universe where the scenery changed every few minutes, in ghost form, while Edmund was forced to watch his siblings mourn their not-dead sibling, and trying not to let his emotions overcome him.

 _I'm not dead._

The more he thought it, the more uncertain he grew.

Maybe he wasn't in Aslan's Country because he didn't deserve to be in it.

As this thought brew in his fragile mind, the scene changed _again,_ taking him away from the funeral and back to the floors of an icy dungeon.

This time, though, he was shackled a wall of ice, the same dungeon in which he had been held captive all those years ago.

This was the White Witch's palace, and Edmund was in trouble.

* * *

Susan put her head in her hands, anger, worry and anxiety bubbling inside her. The disappearance of Edmund had taken its toll on the three, even when he failed to return after three weeks.

Her vision blurred, week's worth of frustration threatening to escape the dam that she had been trying to hold. Three weeks.

She remembered Edmund's sixteenth birthday, where it was not spent in the Cair, surrounded by his loved ones, but in a merchant ship on the Southern Sea, enslaved by unsuspecting Calormene, while enduring the torture that came hand in hand with slavery.

A tear slipped down her cheek. Edmund, while being the best swordsman and one of the bravest men she knew, always managed to get himself into situations such as these. For example, the slavery bout was to prevent a Narnian girl from being enslaved instead. When We had fallen into the stream a month ago, he did so for a fox. She knew that he still tried to redeem himself for his treachery all those years ago. Did he not understand that he had been forgiven then itself?

Or perhaps, did a voice inside continuously remind him of his betrayal, one that belonged to Jadis? Edmund was constantly plagued with dreams that revolved around the White Queen, but had they not wondered if it was Jadis that was the true cause?

They'd sat him down one day, and tried to explain that Ed needn't prove himself to be trustworthy of being the King anymore, and even questioned him about their theory.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "I'm aware that I'm a good king. And the nightmares... I think it's a reminder of what I did."

And so they had let it go.

But here they were, lamenting over their missing brother, knowing that in some way or another, his disappearance was linked to Jadis', who happened to be Ed's internal tormentor.

Why now, though?

Maybe years and years of haunting voices and nightmares had reached its peak, and all that was left was a gigantic downward plunge.

Susan heaved a sob, well aware that after taking a plunge, the only thing that follows is the ground.

A pair of hands wrapped her from behind, golden brown hair falling onto Susan's.

"It'll be okay, Su."

The Gentle and the Valiant queen grieved together.

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